✼ Día del juicio

This is a time when I fail to be brave. Where all what I want to do is close my eyes and hide from the world. I remember my mother always telling me to be strong… no, she was always telling me I was already strong, so I had to live up to these standards. So today, when I’m about to have a tooth taken off, I just feel ashamed, scared, stupid. And I want to run away, like I’ve been doing for the last year and a half. Now the moment’s arrived… I need to face the dentist, take the anestesia, try not to cry mostly because if I get nervous they’ll have to give me extra dose of anestesia, and that means two extra needles and more pain. But also because then again, I’m a 28 year old woman being scared of a dentist… of pain… I’m afraid of pain. Maybe accepting it it’s the first part of getting over it. Maybe I’ll never get over it and get to cry and cry and cry when something breaks… inside or outside…

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